Crunchy Creepy Critters

Blueberry scorpion lollipop

My younger brother served several years in the military as an Army MP.  Since he was stationed away from home and was deployed overseas on 2 occasions, my family always looked forward to his visits back home.  My children especially missed their uncle and awaited his next leave with extreme impatience!

During one of my brother’s trips back home, he saw in the airport gift shop lollipops with real scorpions in the center.  For years, he and I have bought each other little gag gifts, so he decided a blueberry flavored one would be the perfect gift for me.

When my brother presented me with my little gift I got a kick out of it and thought it was interesting.  It brought back memories of 4th grade science class when my teacher brought to school chocolate-covered grasshoppers, and I was the only student to volunteer to eat one.  I remember it was actually kind of tasty, much like a chocolate-covered nut.

However, I am older and wiser now, so I am much more particular about what goes into my stomach.  Consequently, that scorpion lollipop has been sitting around inside my desk drawer for close to 2 years.  It has become melted and sticky over the last few months--and less and less appetizing.

Finally, after finding my pens stuck to the scorpion lollipop one too many times, I decided it was time to throw it away today.  Right when I was about to throw it in the trash can, however, my 5-year-old daughter rushed over and yelled in panic: “Mommy, what are you doing?!”

I told her that I was throwing the lollipop out because it was getting too gross and was starting to ooze all over my pens in my desk drawer.

She frowned and exclaimed, “But Mommy, I wanted to eat it . . . I love lobster!”

Immediately, I started laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe!  As soon as I could talk again, I explained to my little princess that the lollipop didn’t have a lobster inside of it.  Rather, it was actually a scorpion, a type of bug.  My daughter, who has a severe insect phobia, turned really pale and ran screaming from the room.  As she slammed the door shut, I heard her cry out, “Ewwwwwwwww, never mind!”

Looks like no one is eating “lobster” tonight!