Boys Will Be Boys

Recently, I was reminded of just how much I hate the phrase “Boys will be boys…”! As soon as some boys (regardless of their age) get too rowdy or get into trouble, their parents immediately play the boys-will-be-boys card.

“Oh, Jr. didn’t mean to hurt Michael when he punched him in the eye. He just was too caught up in the moment.” “Nonsense, my little Tony’s a good little boy. He was merely having too much fun when he knocked over your daughter.” “What?! You want me to punish Joey because of a little roughhousing? He wasn’t bullying your son; getting into scraps is a normal part of being a boy. Your son will get over it.”

As a mother of two VERY energetic kids--one of whom is an 8-year-old boy--and as someone who has worked with many kids over the years, I know kids can be crazy hyper and unpredictable. And the more kids you put in the same room, the more the hyperness and unpredictability multiplies. If you don’t know how to handle a large group of children or how to diffuse the chaos, kids can eat you alive and try to take the building with you!

Children are still developing their reasoning skills and self control, so problems are bound to rise up every now again. Still, I would like to know when did being a boy become equal to being violent and aggressive? When did society decide that we should be giving boys a pass on bad behavior simply because it’s in their genes? I’m just not buying into all of that hype.

I know what some of you are thinking...I am a woman, so who made me an expert on boys? I never was a boy, so how could I understand what it’s like to be male child? Well, for starters, I was a tomboy. Plus, I have a total of five brothers and plenty of cousins. Also, some of my childhood best friends were boys. So, I may not have been born a boy, but I’ve learned a thing or two about being one.

And I insist that boys don’t have to be “boys”--at least not in the distorted sense of this old phrase. Instead of waving off bad behavior because of gender, I choose to see the unique talents, love, compassion, kindness, and strength of the rambunctious boys, and I try to bring out these positive traits in my own son.

My son is generous with his hard-earned allowance, quick to lend a hand, hardworking, protective of his little sister, and gentle with our pets. Every now and then he does something that touches my heart so much that I tear up with pride. When I see him displaying the qualities that I’ve spent years molding that this is what being a boy is all about...this is the type of behavior which should cause us to murmur “Boys will be boys…”! Yes, this is the legacy we should be passing on from father to son, not some lame excuse that turns our sons into nothing more than glorified beasts. Our sons deserve so much better!

Attitudes Are Shown AND Taught

As parents, we desire the best for our children.  We want them to grow up to be strong, healthy, smart, productive, caring, and happy adults.  We want to offer our kids a little better taste of the good life than we had ourselves.  A thousand amazing possibilities dance through our heads as we proudly watch our little ones grow, achieve, and evolve…until a temper tantrum, ungrateful comment, or I-can’t/I-won’t attitude brings it all to a screeching halt!

Immediately, our minds start racing.  Where did I go wrong?  I’ve taught my kids to be polite and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.  I’ve encouraged them to do their best in everything.  I’ve tried to make learning fun and exciting   I’ve taught them to respect me and all authority figures.  I’ve told them it’s not okay to lash out in anger.  I’ve taught them so much…what happened?

Trust me.  We’ve all been there many times.  The truth is I’m finding myself there a lot more the older my kids get.  In my latest turmoil with my kids, I was reminded of something invaluable: we can’t simply ‘teach’ our kids and walk away.  Especially with things like attitudes and habits, teaching is not enough.  Once the teaching is over, the lesson has barely begun.

We must remind our kids of our teachings from time to time.  We should also be helping them reflect upon and grow to understand our teaching completely.  But most importantly, we need to create the best habits and attitudes in our children by repeatedly living our teachings.  Kids really do learn best from our example and they adopt our attitudes and habits...much more than we realize.

Recently, my 8-year-old son has been consumed with such a negative, impossible, and uncooperative attitude lately.  Of course, kids go through phases and have their difficult moments. However, I sensed there was something more to this.  Then, this week, I was going through my Facebook timeline to find something I had post a few days past.  It didn’t take me long before I realized that I’ve been excessively negative and irritable lately.

Of course, I have good reason.  My health hasn’t been the greatest lately, we are trying to fix a small financial crisis,  and I’ve been going through a difficult time overall.  It’s healthy to vent and express negative emotions; however, lately, I’ve let it consumed my day.  Instead of venting and then refocusing on the positives or finding constructive ways to deal with my issues, I’ve gotten stuck on the expressing part.  If my social media accounts are this full of negativity, how has my offline life looked like lately?  I can tell you it isn’t pretty!

Ultimately, I’m determined to bounce back from this situation and use it as a way to teach AND show my kids that life gets hard at times, but it’s never ok to allow it to leave you bitter or angry.  It is not fine to allow difficulties to rob your life of happiness, joy, and your healthy relationships with others.  And I want to help my son to see the positives in his life again, so he can be much more positive and happy about the ups and downs of childhood (and beyond).

It Is Time for Some Blogging--A to Z Style!

Dear friends, readers, and fellow bloggers,

It has been far too long since I blogged on a regular basis.  In the last few months, I’ve dealt with a myriad of health issues, as well as a growing number of responsibilities.  I am continuing to cyber school my son, which is requiring plenty of attention this school year to try to get him the extra help and one-on-one interaction that he needs.  I am also attempting to expand my writing career to e-Books and private clients--a very time-consuming pursuit as well.

However, my blogs are my creations--my little children, in a sense--and hurts to see them neglected so,  Consequently, I have made a last minute decision to jump headfirst back into blogging again by attempting the A to Z Blogging Challenge for the 3rd year in a row.  Like last year, I will be attempting this great feat with every single one of my blogs.  I know it will be difficult for me with all the obligations I already have, but I’m determined to stretch my writing abilities to the brink of insanity to prove to myself that I really CAN accomplish anything that I put my mind to.

To all of you who are attempting the A to Z Challenge, too, I wish you the best of luck.  May we all reach the finish line with our heads held high and with some new friends by our sides.  And for those of you who are choosing to continue to support my blog and my writing career by reading my posts, sit back and enjoy the ride!  Keep tuning in every day to see what great things inspiration and a little insanity can create!

Happy Reading & Happy Blogging,

Amanda

Post © 2014 Amanda R. Dollak. Image Credit: Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

Rolling Out New Blogging Plans

You may have noticed that it’s been mighty quiet in here lately. In fact, I’ve let my blogs go idle so long, I’m having to fight through thick layers of dust and cobwebs to reach you tonight. Well, perhaps not literally, but certainly figuratively. My mind has been bogged down by many things the last few months. There were two deaths in my family. I got caught up a little too much in NaNoWriMo. The holidays swept through my home. i had to deal with having a mega cold from h*** and a resulting fibromyalgia flare that left me reeling. And now my family is dealing with a medical crisis with my mother. Yes, that’s a LOT of dust and cobwebs, my friends.

However, I’m hard at work planning, revamping, and brainstorming, so I can give a fresh face to my blogs in 2014. So stay tuned. I have a feeling my blogs are going to be more awesome than ever before. It’s time to turn my blogging up a notch and go bravely into deeper blogging territory. Sounds like a lot of fun, huh?

Stop back next week to check out my blog renovations. And thank you in advance for understanding as I fumble my way through the transition to something bigger and better! Take care, my friends, and thank you for your continued support in my blogging adventure.

© 2014 Amanda R. Dollak

Wordless Wednesday: Highway Perspective

Discovering True Thanksgiving

When I was a child my family had more than its share of lean times. I remember sometimes we didn’t have telephone service because we couldn’t afford it and it was disconnected. I remember the majority of our clothes were old hand-me-downs. (Our brand-new clothes were reserved only for school and church.) I remember sometimes receiving second-hand toys for Christmas (i.e., the Nintendo that a neighbors’ parents sold us because they were buying their son a brand new Sega).

I also remember the even leaner times. I remember having to go to local charities for back-to-school supplies. I remember going to local churches and soup kitchens for food. I remember going without a car and walking almost everywhere we went. I remember even having one or more of the important utilities shut off for being months overdue. And I remember the feeling of going to bed sometimes with a grumbling belly because we didn’t always have enough to eat for dinner.

It was tough being a kid and going through such difficult times. And I’ve done everything in my power to make sure my kids never once have to worry about like I did. However, I often feel like since my kids have always had their needs (and a healthy amount of their desires) provided for all their lives, they don’t understand nearly as much as I do how much we have to be thankful for now. Once in a while, I get caught up in the negativity of my life because of having a chronic illness (fibromyalgia) and having to deal with all the complications it brings to day-to-day living.

However, I always have in the back of my mind how hard my childhood was and I can clearly see how much things have changed for the better. We may be on a very tight budget because I can’t work full time, but we are warm and dry inside a modest home we now own. We can’t afford a lavish diet, but we never go hungry and I’ve learned to make satisfying and healthy meals with what we do have. All of our utilities stay connected all the time. Everything we give our children is new or gently used. We own two vehicles and actually get to do fun activities together as a family occasionally. Life isn’t perfect, but it is a far cry from where I once was!

My kids, on the other hand, have no idea how bad things can get for some people. Although they aren’t selfish or spoiled in the least bit, they often overlook the good things we do have and are sad or disappointed when they find something they really want and it simply isn’t possible. Don’t get me wrong, I find myself doing that periodically, too. It’s human nature to reach for better things.

Still, I want to find a way this Thanksgiving season to emphasize how blessed we truly are. To help remind me of all the positives, I’ve been participating in the 30 Days of Thanksgiving challenge. (I am a little behind yet, but you can check it out here if you are curious.) It has been an eye opener and I’ve noticed my automatic outlook on day-today things is improving. Consequently, I am going to establish a Give Thanks jar in my house. And I am going to encourage each member of our family to write something each day or so that they are thankful for and then put it in the jar. On or the day after Thanksgiving (since we are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year), I plan to read over all of them together to share with each other and give thanks for the wonderful life we have. And if it goes well, maybe we will have it year round, picking other holidays or special occasions when we can share more of our blessings.

What do you do with your kids to encourage a positive and grateful attitude?

© 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

Wordless Wednesday: Snowy Days Are Here!

Wordless Wednesday: Our House Is Never Dull

Parenting ABC's: The Crazy Side of Parenting

Parenting IS one of the greatest adventures in life. It holds such joy, happiness, surprise, and laughter. Nevertheless, like any other life adventure, it does have its fair share of chaos, discomfort, and turmoil. So often, it seems like society expects us parents to claim that parenting is all sunshine and smiles. However, I’m going to stand up and shout it out for all to hear: “I’m a mother. Parenting can be hard. And it isn‘t for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach!”

To all the parents who (just like me) love their children more than anything but are tired of society trying to shame us into silence, this is for you:

A is for aches from head to toe.
B is for burps that turn to whoa!
C is for candy stuck to walls.
D is for diaper duty calls.
E is for ears aching at night.
F is for frightening food fights.
G is for gates aren’t baby proof.
H is for he’s gone in a poof!
I is for I’m never alone.
J is for juice-coated cell phones.
K is for kids can multiply.
L is for late, late lullabies.
M is for months that feel like years.
N is for nightmares and big fears.
O is for oh, no, get the wipes!
P is for what’s clogging the pipes?
Q is for quick, get a towel!
R is for rotten and foul.
S is for sleep has come and gone.
T is for teething--dusk to dawn.
U is for unbreakable smashed.
V is for veggies smeared and mashed.
W is for windows licked.
X is for xylophone toys kicked.
Y is for yelling ‘til your hoarse.
Z is for zonked parents, of course!

I originally published this post on Bubblews: http://www.bubblews.com/news/528053-parenting-abc039s-the-crazy-side-of-parenting

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

A Pumpkin and Two Pirates

It has been a couple years since I took my son and daughter trick-or-treating. The last few years, I was the one that stayed home to hand out the candy. This year, though, it is MY turn to go with the kiddos, and as usual, I’ll be dressing up in a costume, too.

My love of dressing up never went away. I loved to play dress up as a little girl and I always looked forward to Halloween every year. When I got older I signed up for every school play or church presentation I could, so I had an excuse to put on a costume. And now even as an adult, I can’t get enough!

My kids have always loved my costumes. They insist I’m “the coolest mommy EVER!” I’m really just a kid stuck in a grown-up’s body when it comes to these things, and I think they sense it. I only hope that as they grow older, they will continue to appreciate my love of dressing up and never see it as a sense of embarrassment. (I know, that will take a miracle!)

This Halloween my 7-year-old son is dressing up as a giant pumpkin. He is excited because he loves orange and pumpkins AND my mother made his costume...which means no one else will have a costume like his this year (unlike the zillion fellow Captain Americas he ran into last year). My daughter and I are going as pirates. My daughter asked me to break out my pirate costume from a few years back, so with a few new accessories, she and I could be a fearsome and awesome swashbuckling duo.

My children were so thrilled and wound up about Halloween and Trick-or-Treat being tomorrow that I could scarce get them to stop morning long enough for them to fall asleep. They have missed trick-or-treating with me, and they already know we will have a blast.

Their only disappointment (besides having to leave poor Daddy behind on candy duty) is realizing that I’m too old for getting candy from houses. You should have seen my son’s face drop when he found the ugly truth. He never considered the idea that anyone could be too old for treats...and that someday he will be, too. After getting over their initial shock, though, my kids cheered up and promised me they would share lots of their candy with me. Those two really know how to make a mama proud and feel loved!

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Halloween!

A big spider-ly 'hi!' and wishing you and your family a safe Halloween.

Wordless Wednesday: Llama Feeding Time!

What is the strangest animal you ever got to feed?

Wordless Wednesday: Pumpkins

Do you and your family carve or decorate your pumpkins for Halloween?

Super-Duper, Super, SUPER Old

My 7-year-old son and I were talking just a little bit ago. He wanted to know more about a bracelet I had given him about a year ago. He just found the bracelet in the bottom of his toy box and was dismayed that it is starting to fray around the edges. This conversation transpired:

Son: “Mommy, how old is this bracelet? It’s starting to come apart, and I’m sad!”

Me: “Well, I got it while I was still in high school, so I’m guessing it is 11 or 12 years old.”

Son: “Really? That’s super-duper, super old!”

Me: “But I’m almost 30. If that bracelet is ‘super-duper, super old’, what does that make me?”

Son (without hesitation): “You are super-duper, super, SUPER old!”

Yes, thanks, kid! Thanks for your support here. Turning 30 won’t be difficult enough without my kids putting their two cents in.

I have to laugh, though. Just wait until HE is about to turn 30. Just wait until HE has a little kid tell HIM he is ancient. His time will come. Life has a way of turning full circle and repeating itself, just with different roles or different players. Although I don’t recall, I have a feeling I once was in my son’s shoes and called my own parents old. And now I know how they must have felt. The universe has one crazy sense of humor!

How do your kids feel about your age?

Wordless Wednesday: Creepy Crawly Hay Bale

Photo Copyright Amanda R. Dollak 2013

What is the most memorable fall / Halloween decoration you have had the opportunity to see?

A Poem to My Daughter

My dear sweet, little princess,

You’re growing before my eyes!

I know you are in distress,

And you do not realize

That everything I do--

Both of what seems good AND bad--

I do because I love you

With a love I never had.

You and your brother are two

Biggest blessings in my life.

Motherhood has pushed me through

The most grueling pain and strife.

I am more as a mommy,

With your tiny hand in mine,

Than I ever thought I’d be

Even ‘til the end of time!

You bring out the best in me;

You make me want to be more.

Finally, I can now see

My life IS worth fighting for.

You are only six years old,

So you cannot understand

Why I correct you and scold...

Why I guide you hand in hand.

Oh, it would be so easy

To let you e’er have your way...

My efforts may seem cheesy

And perhaps cause you dismay,

But I only want the best

For you--today and always--

So I will not ever rest

Until only the best stays,

And you become a lady--

Kind, tender, caring, and strong--

Who offers her gifts daily

And who loves her whole life long.

Wordless Wednesday: Fall Family Fun

Photo Copyright 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

What is your favorite fall activity to do with the family?

If Blogs Were Houseplants...

If blogs were houseplants, I would be in serious trouble!  They would surely be dead by now.  I have been neglecting my blogs lately.  They are shriveling and drying up.  They are crying out desperately for some love and attention.  And I really don’t blame them…

When I started all three of my blogs I didn’t really have a plan.  It was more of an impulse.  I had some ideas.  I live to write.  I wanted some place where I could write whatever inspired me.  And it wouldn’t hurt for me to have some extra writing practice either.  So, I jumped in headfirst, eager to test the waters.

At first, my enthusiasm carried me along.  Sometimes I would go a few days without posting, but I eagerly came running back  I never run out of ideas to write about, so I was convinced that at least three posts per blog per week would be a breeze.

Boy, was I wrong!  I never planned on my son having difficulties in school and needing much more of my attention for the 2012-2013 school year.  I had underestimated how greatly my fibromyalgia affects my concentration and my ability to sit at a desk.  I hadn’t planned on my mom getting married or the week-long vacation that followed.  Oh, and I never realized how insane it can be to plan your own wedding in only three months.

I know, excuses, excuses.  Blogs are a commitment and when we start them we make a promise our readers to keep them up and running.  Still, knowing now where I went wrong from the beginning, I can now make a new beginning and start over fresh.  From now on, I’m going to put regular posts into my schedule, and even if it is only once a week per blog until I get my true blogging legs, at least I can revel in the consistency.

Thank you for understanding and supporting my journey into blogging.  I hope you continue to check back in the coming weeks to see what new posts I have in store.  You never know what new treasures you might find amongst all this blogging dust!

A Vacation of a Lifetime

Taking my kids to SC this summer to the beach for the very first time is truly one of the highlights of my life.  Their excitement, raw energy, and awe of the ocean will forever stay with me.  I have never witnessed my son and daughter so happy and content...and this mama was extremely content and happy, too.

We learned that one week at the beach is NOT enough!  We all missed home, but we left the ocean behind with sadden hearts.  Being by the sea completely felt like the most natural thing, and no one wanted to leave that feeling behind.

If I ever win the lottery or get rich through some amazing book deal, I know we will sell our current home in an instant and move somewhere south and closer to the beach.  A part of our hearts were left on that beautiful SC beach, and we returned with plenty of sand in our luggage--and gorgeous memories to hold us over until we can visit the sea once again.

I took lots of photographs of our vacation, and we plan to have a photo book created from over favorite snapshots.  We even collected seashells, other beach trinkets, and some sand so we can create a beach jar. We will cherish this vacation forever, and perhaps my son and daughter will pass on some of the stories from our beach adventure on to their own children someday.  I live for moments like these--so special, so breathtaking, and so miraculous.  I won't ever forget to savor every single second!

My Creepy-Crawly Month

If I see one more creepy crawler, I’m going to scream! We recently had to have some work done on our sewage pipes, and it stirred up a bunch of house centipedes. The first one I saw flitting across my bathroom at about 1:00 in the morning! And the last one I pulled out of the kitchen drain with my bare hands with some orange rind that my daughter accidentally dropped in the sink. Oh, I was NOT happy at all!

Fast forward only a few days. Several stink bugs decided that my house would be their perfect home. Eventually, one of them landed on my right cheek just as I was beginning to drift off to sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever jumped so high in my life as I flew out of bed trying to get away from the disgusting thing.

Then, this week tiny little gnats discovered they could squeeze through our window screens. Between them and the fleas that my dog brought home from the vet, my kids and I have been itching at every thought of pests. And I feel awful because my son and daughter are suffering from the first bug bites of the year.

So, a good part of today was spent stocking up on pest-killing gear (kid and pet safe, of course) and going all postal on these unwelcome guests! And on the way home, who should pop out of my heating vent in the car? It was a big fat wood spider! Why do these creepy crawlers love us so much this year?

After a lot of scratching, my daughter finally asked me today why some bugs have to be so mean. Honestly, I have no idea. I love so many insects: butterflies, ladybugs, fireflies, earthworms, fuzzy caterpillars, pill bugs, etc. They are so fascinating and exciting. Still, I sometimes wish the pesky, aggressive creepy crawlers didn’t exist. And I always wish that nature would stay out of my home. If my tiny crawly neighbors would stay out of my business, I’d gladly stay out of theirs!