Q: Quibble, Quarrel, and Quack

I absolutely love being a mom. It is one of the most rewarding experiences, but all parents know that not every moment with children is peaceful and cheery. Sometimes parenting gets downright difficult, gritty, and unpleasant. My kids have now reached the age that they love to argue with each other. When they were younger they spent more time playing by each other than with each other. Consequently, they had arguments, but they were short-lived and not very frequent. And it was usually over a toy or who could sit in Mommy’s lap.

These days, though, I swear my son and daughter will fight over anything and everything. And at times, I am convinced I have a flock of squabbling ducks wadding around my house. The noise level and intensity of their arguments can be astonishing and quite deafening. When they get into ’duck’ mode there is no yelling over them or reasoning with either one of them. As a result, we have implemented a new rule in our house. If they get out of hand with their quarreling, they have to go to their rooms to cool off until they are ready to talk reasonably with each other and are willing to try to find a compromise.

My kids aren’t too fond of this new house rule, but some sanity has returned to our home because of it. Although they still quarrel over silly things at times (i.e., who a penny belongs to or whose turn it is to let out the dog), I’ve noticed the frequency and intensity of their arguments is diminishing. They hate timeouts, so hopefully their dislike will continue to foster better sibling communication and make them realize that some things are not worth squabbling over. They are now the same age as when my brother and I grew so competitive with each other that it was like we were trying to kill one another. I certainly want to avoid such behavior in my kids at all cost!

Do or did your children have trouble communicating or argue much too frequently? What have you found to be helpful with diffusing the situation and lessening the frequency of arguments in your house?

My Imaginary Bundle of Joy

Meet the newest member of our family, Chaya.  Yes, she’s only two dimensional and doesn’t have any hands or feet to speak of.  However, she’s part of the family just the same.  She loves the color pink and has lots of pretty black hair.  Her favorite animals are horses, and she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  She is the “bestest” baby sister in the whole wide world, too . . . well, at least according to my 5-year-old daughter.

My little girl is still going through baby sister withdrawal.  Her best friend finally got a baby sister last year (after having to deal with 4 brothers for years).  And ever since then, my daughter has asked and asked and ASKED for her own baby sister.  She has prayed for one, asked Santa Claus for one, and even asked Grandma to buy her one for her birthday.  She has even asked for her younger cousin (by 3 months) to come live with us so she could have a best friend and sister every day!

In her 5-year-old world, she can’t comprehend why she just can’t have a baby sister.  So, she has become desperate enough to make one up.  In fact, she’s drawn several pictures of her.  She plays with her imaginary baby sister, Chaya now a regular basis.   She pretends they are having tea parties together.  She has imaginary dress-up, makeup sessions with her baby sister.  My little princess even makes up stories about adventures they have had together.

At first, I was a little concerned.  Was my daughter getting enough attention?  Was she playing enough with other children?  Was I spending enough time with her?  Finally, I asked her about Chaya and if she knew that she really didn’t have a baby sister.

To my relief, she replied immediately, “Oh, I know, Mommy.  I’m just practicing for when I do get a baby sister!”

I suppose time will tell if she will ever have a real baby sister.  I know I’m not ready right now to be considering another baby.  But you never know.  Every now and then, I catch myself missing those days.  I see the tiniest, cutest baby shoes and think, I really want these!  Or I see a smiling, giggling baby ahead of me in the checkout lane and my heart skips a beat and melts at the pure sweetness.  I admit I miss the cuddles and snuggles with my babies.  I still haven’t been able to part with all the adorable baby outfits my kids have long outgrown.  Yes, perhaps, one day there might be another little Amanda in my arms . . . and then we shall see if it’s everything my daughter expects.

My Son, My Little Brother

My son making silly faces, like my brother used to do

Contrary to this post’s title, it is not going to involve a topic worthy of a day-time talk show. Nor will you find this story in any of the tabloids that litter the checkout aisles at the supermarket. Rather, it is a tribute to all the mothers who have ever realized that God has a sense of humor!

When my son was a newborn baby I couldn’t help but dream of all the joy and fun we would share together as he grew from a baby into little boy.  I envisioned the sweet, smiling baby in my arms growing into an adorable, loving toddler . . . full of energy, giggles, and kisses.  He would be my little helper, always eager to help out around the house.  Of course, I was prepared for the occasional spirited temper tantrum and messes that could rival natural disasters.  However, neither my babysitting/daycare experience nor the best parenting materials available could ever prepare me for the truth I would discover a year later.

I am not even sure when exactly it happened.  But one morning I awoke and realized in horror my sweet bundle of joy was turning into my little brother!   It started with an annoying poke here and a little childish taunt there.  Then, it progressed to a fascination with everything revolting and disgusting.   Now my six year old is steadily becoming a master at getting under my skin as only my younger brother was once able to do.

My son’s little antics are constantly resurrecting memories of my childhood.  My brother was and still is a relentless instigator and prankster.  Even though I love my little brother dearly, sometimes I swear that his primary purpose in life is to drive me insane!   I have endured years of punches, boogers, farting, pranks, and teasing at the hands of my brother . . . and now that I’ve finally gotten away from it on a daily basis, my little boy is taking over?  Where is the justice in that?!?!

The craziest part of all this, though, is the fact that my son developed into my little brother’s clone, almost entirely away from my brother’s influence.  Since my brother was an MP in the Army for several years, he was away from the area except for occasional leaves.  As such, I have to wonder if somewhere in my family’s genetic makeup, these traits are hidden somewhere, waiting to be released.  Could there be an annoying little brother gene lurking inside of me somewhere?

Whether it is nurture, nature, or a combination of the two, I have to laugh at how no matter how hard we try to distance ourselves from our past, it can pop back up again in strange, unexpected ways!