Boys Will Be Boys

Recently, I was reminded of just how much I hate the phrase “Boys will be boys…”! As soon as some boys (regardless of their age) get too rowdy or get into trouble, their parents immediately play the boys-will-be-boys card.

“Oh, Jr. didn’t mean to hurt Michael when he punched him in the eye. He just was too caught up in the moment.” “Nonsense, my little Tony’s a good little boy. He was merely having too much fun when he knocked over your daughter.” “What?! You want me to punish Joey because of a little roughhousing? He wasn’t bullying your son; getting into scraps is a normal part of being a boy. Your son will get over it.”

As a mother of two VERY energetic kids--one of whom is an 8-year-old boy--and as someone who has worked with many kids over the years, I know kids can be crazy hyper and unpredictable. And the more kids you put in the same room, the more the hyperness and unpredictability multiplies. If you don’t know how to handle a large group of children or how to diffuse the chaos, kids can eat you alive and try to take the building with you!

Children are still developing their reasoning skills and self control, so problems are bound to rise up every now again. Still, I would like to know when did being a boy become equal to being violent and aggressive? When did society decide that we should be giving boys a pass on bad behavior simply because it’s in their genes? I’m just not buying into all of that hype.

I know what some of you are thinking...I am a woman, so who made me an expert on boys? I never was a boy, so how could I understand what it’s like to be male child? Well, for starters, I was a tomboy. Plus, I have a total of five brothers and plenty of cousins. Also, some of my childhood best friends were boys. So, I may not have been born a boy, but I’ve learned a thing or two about being one.

And I insist that boys don’t have to be “boys”--at least not in the distorted sense of this old phrase. Instead of waving off bad behavior because of gender, I choose to see the unique talents, love, compassion, kindness, and strength of the rambunctious boys, and I try to bring out these positive traits in my own son.

My son is generous with his hard-earned allowance, quick to lend a hand, hardworking, protective of his little sister, and gentle with our pets. Every now and then he does something that touches my heart so much that I tear up with pride. When I see him displaying the qualities that I’ve spent years molding that this is what being a boy is all about...this is the type of behavior which should cause us to murmur “Boys will be boys…”! Yes, this is the legacy we should be passing on from father to son, not some lame excuse that turns our sons into nothing more than glorified beasts. Our sons deserve so much better!

It Is Time for Some Blogging--A to Z Style!

Dear friends, readers, and fellow bloggers,

It has been far too long since I blogged on a regular basis.  In the last few months, I’ve dealt with a myriad of health issues, as well as a growing number of responsibilities.  I am continuing to cyber school my son, which is requiring plenty of attention this school year to try to get him the extra help and one-on-one interaction that he needs.  I am also attempting to expand my writing career to e-Books and private clients--a very time-consuming pursuit as well.

However, my blogs are my creations--my little children, in a sense--and hurts to see them neglected so,  Consequently, I have made a last minute decision to jump headfirst back into blogging again by attempting the A to Z Blogging Challenge for the 3rd year in a row.  Like last year, I will be attempting this great feat with every single one of my blogs.  I know it will be difficult for me with all the obligations I already have, but I’m determined to stretch my writing abilities to the brink of insanity to prove to myself that I really CAN accomplish anything that I put my mind to.

To all of you who are attempting the A to Z Challenge, too, I wish you the best of luck.  May we all reach the finish line with our heads held high and with some new friends by our sides.  And for those of you who are choosing to continue to support my blog and my writing career by reading my posts, sit back and enjoy the ride!  Keep tuning in every day to see what great things inspiration and a little insanity can create!

Happy Reading & Happy Blogging,

Amanda

Post © 2014 Amanda R. Dollak. Image Credit: Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

Rolling Out New Blogging Plans

You may have noticed that it’s been mighty quiet in here lately. In fact, I’ve let my blogs go idle so long, I’m having to fight through thick layers of dust and cobwebs to reach you tonight. Well, perhaps not literally, but certainly figuratively. My mind has been bogged down by many things the last few months. There were two deaths in my family. I got caught up a little too much in NaNoWriMo. The holidays swept through my home. i had to deal with having a mega cold from h*** and a resulting fibromyalgia flare that left me reeling. And now my family is dealing with a medical crisis with my mother. Yes, that’s a LOT of dust and cobwebs, my friends.

However, I’m hard at work planning, revamping, and brainstorming, so I can give a fresh face to my blogs in 2014. So stay tuned. I have a feeling my blogs are going to be more awesome than ever before. It’s time to turn my blogging up a notch and go bravely into deeper blogging territory. Sounds like a lot of fun, huh?

Stop back next week to check out my blog renovations. And thank you in advance for understanding as I fumble my way through the transition to something bigger and better! Take care, my friends, and thank you for your continued support in my blogging adventure.

© 2014 Amanda R. Dollak

Wordless Wednesday: Highway Perspective

Discovering True Thanksgiving

When I was a child my family had more than its share of lean times. I remember sometimes we didn’t have telephone service because we couldn’t afford it and it was disconnected. I remember the majority of our clothes were old hand-me-downs. (Our brand-new clothes were reserved only for school and church.) I remember sometimes receiving second-hand toys for Christmas (i.e., the Nintendo that a neighbors’ parents sold us because they were buying their son a brand new Sega).

I also remember the even leaner times. I remember having to go to local charities for back-to-school supplies. I remember going to local churches and soup kitchens for food. I remember going without a car and walking almost everywhere we went. I remember even having one or more of the important utilities shut off for being months overdue. And I remember the feeling of going to bed sometimes with a grumbling belly because we didn’t always have enough to eat for dinner.

It was tough being a kid and going through such difficult times. And I’ve done everything in my power to make sure my kids never once have to worry about like I did. However, I often feel like since my kids have always had their needs (and a healthy amount of their desires) provided for all their lives, they don’t understand nearly as much as I do how much we have to be thankful for now. Once in a while, I get caught up in the negativity of my life because of having a chronic illness (fibromyalgia) and having to deal with all the complications it brings to day-to-day living.

However, I always have in the back of my mind how hard my childhood was and I can clearly see how much things have changed for the better. We may be on a very tight budget because I can’t work full time, but we are warm and dry inside a modest home we now own. We can’t afford a lavish diet, but we never go hungry and I’ve learned to make satisfying and healthy meals with what we do have. All of our utilities stay connected all the time. Everything we give our children is new or gently used. We own two vehicles and actually get to do fun activities together as a family occasionally. Life isn’t perfect, but it is a far cry from where I once was!

My kids, on the other hand, have no idea how bad things can get for some people. Although they aren’t selfish or spoiled in the least bit, they often overlook the good things we do have and are sad or disappointed when they find something they really want and it simply isn’t possible. Don’t get me wrong, I find myself doing that periodically, too. It’s human nature to reach for better things.

Still, I want to find a way this Thanksgiving season to emphasize how blessed we truly are. To help remind me of all the positives, I’ve been participating in the 30 Days of Thanksgiving challenge. (I am a little behind yet, but you can check it out here if you are curious.) It has been an eye opener and I’ve noticed my automatic outlook on day-today things is improving. Consequently, I am going to establish a Give Thanks jar in my house. And I am going to encourage each member of our family to write something each day or so that they are thankful for and then put it in the jar. On or the day after Thanksgiving (since we are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year), I plan to read over all of them together to share with each other and give thanks for the wonderful life we have. And if it goes well, maybe we will have it year round, picking other holidays or special occasions when we can share more of our blessings.

What do you do with your kids to encourage a positive and grateful attitude?

© 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

Wordless Wednesday: Snowy Days Are Here!

Wordless Wednesday: Our House Is Never Dull

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Halloween!

A big spider-ly 'hi!' and wishing you and your family a safe Halloween.

Super-Duper, Super, SUPER Old

My 7-year-old son and I were talking just a little bit ago. He wanted to know more about a bracelet I had given him about a year ago. He just found the bracelet in the bottom of his toy box and was dismayed that it is starting to fray around the edges. This conversation transpired:

Son: “Mommy, how old is this bracelet? It’s starting to come apart, and I’m sad!”

Me: “Well, I got it while I was still in high school, so I’m guessing it is 11 or 12 years old.”

Son: “Really? That’s super-duper, super old!”

Me: “But I’m almost 30. If that bracelet is ‘super-duper, super old’, what does that make me?”

Son (without hesitation): “You are super-duper, super, SUPER old!”

Yes, thanks, kid! Thanks for your support here. Turning 30 won’t be difficult enough without my kids putting their two cents in.

I have to laugh, though. Just wait until HE is about to turn 30. Just wait until HE has a little kid tell HIM he is ancient. His time will come. Life has a way of turning full circle and repeating itself, just with different roles or different players. Although I don’t recall, I have a feeling I once was in my son’s shoes and called my own parents old. And now I know how they must have felt. The universe has one crazy sense of humor!

How do your kids feel about your age?

A Poem to My Daughter

My dear sweet, little princess,

You’re growing before my eyes!

I know you are in distress,

And you do not realize

That everything I do--

Both of what seems good AND bad--

I do because I love you

With a love I never had.

You and your brother are two

Biggest blessings in my life.

Motherhood has pushed me through

The most grueling pain and strife.

I am more as a mommy,

With your tiny hand in mine,

Than I ever thought I’d be

Even ‘til the end of time!

You bring out the best in me;

You make me want to be more.

Finally, I can now see

My life IS worth fighting for.

You are only six years old,

So you cannot understand

Why I correct you and scold...

Why I guide you hand in hand.

Oh, it would be so easy

To let you e’er have your way...

My efforts may seem cheesy

And perhaps cause you dismay,

But I only want the best

For you--today and always--

So I will not ever rest

Until only the best stays,

And you become a lady--

Kind, tender, caring, and strong--

Who offers her gifts daily

And who loves her whole life long.

Wordless Wednesday: Fall Family Fun

Photo Copyright 2013 Amanda R. Dollak

What is your favorite fall activity to do with the family?

If Blogs Were Houseplants...

If blogs were houseplants, I would be in serious trouble!  They would surely be dead by now.  I have been neglecting my blogs lately.  They are shriveling and drying up.  They are crying out desperately for some love and attention.  And I really don’t blame them…

When I started all three of my blogs I didn’t really have a plan.  It was more of an impulse.  I had some ideas.  I live to write.  I wanted some place where I could write whatever inspired me.  And it wouldn’t hurt for me to have some extra writing practice either.  So, I jumped in headfirst, eager to test the waters.

At first, my enthusiasm carried me along.  Sometimes I would go a few days without posting, but I eagerly came running back  I never run out of ideas to write about, so I was convinced that at least three posts per blog per week would be a breeze.

Boy, was I wrong!  I never planned on my son having difficulties in school and needing much more of my attention for the 2012-2013 school year.  I had underestimated how greatly my fibromyalgia affects my concentration and my ability to sit at a desk.  I hadn’t planned on my mom getting married or the week-long vacation that followed.  Oh, and I never realized how insane it can be to plan your own wedding in only three months.

I know, excuses, excuses.  Blogs are a commitment and when we start them we make a promise our readers to keep them up and running.  Still, knowing now where I went wrong from the beginning, I can now make a new beginning and start over fresh.  From now on, I’m going to put regular posts into my schedule, and even if it is only once a week per blog until I get my true blogging legs, at least I can revel in the consistency.

Thank you for understanding and supporting my journey into blogging.  I hope you continue to check back in the coming weeks to see what new posts I have in store.  You never know what new treasures you might find amongst all this blogging dust!

A Vacation of a Lifetime

Taking my kids to SC this summer to the beach for the very first time is truly one of the highlights of my life.  Their excitement, raw energy, and awe of the ocean will forever stay with me.  I have never witnessed my son and daughter so happy and content...and this mama was extremely content and happy, too.

We learned that one week at the beach is NOT enough!  We all missed home, but we left the ocean behind with sadden hearts.  Being by the sea completely felt like the most natural thing, and no one wanted to leave that feeling behind.

If I ever win the lottery or get rich through some amazing book deal, I know we will sell our current home in an instant and move somewhere south and closer to the beach.  A part of our hearts were left on that beautiful SC beach, and we returned with plenty of sand in our luggage--and gorgeous memories to hold us over until we can visit the sea once again.

I took lots of photographs of our vacation, and we plan to have a photo book created from over favorite snapshots.  We even collected seashells, other beach trinkets, and some sand so we can create a beach jar. We will cherish this vacation forever, and perhaps my son and daughter will pass on some of the stories from our beach adventure on to their own children someday.  I live for moments like these--so special, so breathtaking, and so miraculous.  I won't ever forget to savor every single second!

My Creepy-Crawly Month

If I see one more creepy crawler, I’m going to scream! We recently had to have some work done on our sewage pipes, and it stirred up a bunch of house centipedes. The first one I saw flitting across my bathroom at about 1:00 in the morning! And the last one I pulled out of the kitchen drain with my bare hands with some orange rind that my daughter accidentally dropped in the sink. Oh, I was NOT happy at all!

Fast forward only a few days. Several stink bugs decided that my house would be their perfect home. Eventually, one of them landed on my right cheek just as I was beginning to drift off to sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever jumped so high in my life as I flew out of bed trying to get away from the disgusting thing.

Then, this week tiny little gnats discovered they could squeeze through our window screens. Between them and the fleas that my dog brought home from the vet, my kids and I have been itching at every thought of pests. And I feel awful because my son and daughter are suffering from the first bug bites of the year.

So, a good part of today was spent stocking up on pest-killing gear (kid and pet safe, of course) and going all postal on these unwelcome guests! And on the way home, who should pop out of my heating vent in the car? It was a big fat wood spider! Why do these creepy crawlers love us so much this year?

After a lot of scratching, my daughter finally asked me today why some bugs have to be so mean. Honestly, I have no idea. I love so many insects: butterflies, ladybugs, fireflies, earthworms, fuzzy caterpillars, pill bugs, etc. They are so fascinating and exciting. Still, I sometimes wish the pesky, aggressive creepy crawlers didn’t exist. And I always wish that nature would stay out of my home. If my tiny crawly neighbors would stay out of my business, I’d gladly stay out of theirs!

Seeing Myself Through My Daughter's Eyes

My daughter's family portrait

It may sound strange, but I find solace in my children’s drawings of me. They can offer such profound and touching insights into my son and daughter and how they see the world around them. For example, my daughter had to draw a family portrait for art class this week. Looking over her artwork, I realized that she doesn’t see me as I see myself.

I’m subconscious about my extra pounds, short height, and a few other small physical features. But in my little girl’s drawing, all that doesn’t matter. All the members in our family are around the same height and have no signs of love handles anywhere. And even though we aren’t perfect, we seem happy and content as can be just being together.

Undoubtedly, that is how it should be. That is what I try to teach my son and daughter. Yet, I find myself being hypercritical of every little flaw I see within myself or on my body. I need to find a way to finally practice what I preach!

I want my little princess to continue seeing the best in people. I want her to always see the best in herself, too. Consequently, it is time for me to face my inner critic and tell this ugly voice it is time to go. It is time for that critic to stop harassing me and abusing me with her insults and wisecracks.

It is time to start loving myself for who I am, regardless of my imperfections. I need to take a lessen from my daughter and find my inner and outer beauty. I must find a way to permanently shed this unhealthy image that has haunted me most of my life.

My future AND my daughter’s future depend on it! I should NOT be living this way, and I will NOT pass this flawed thinking down to my daughter. The ugliness, self-hate, and low self-esteem stop here. It’s time to get comfortable in my own skin and be happy with who I am--for me AND my little princess.

The Loss of My Little Helper

I am mourning tonight the disappearance of my little helper. Once upon a time, my 7-year-old son was incredibly eager to always try to help me. He took great joy in little chores around the house and was always asking permission to do this or that for me. Even when he was 2-years-old he loved to clean and help me around the house or the yard.

But today marks the end of a beautiful and amazing era: my little helper isn’t so little anymore and he has now decided he hates chores. Say it isn’t so! I had mistakenly believed this time would never come. I had always assumed that since cleanliness seemed like second nature to my little boy, I would never have to worry about him. Boy, was I wrong!

This evening turned into a huge battle with my son over a tiny little chore…something he used to volunteer for with excitement. Now he tells me that chores aren’t any fun, and I am mean to make him do any work around our house. His words cut me to the deepest part of my heart. Once I was so proud of his strong work ethic and desire to be helpful. Now, I’m left wondering where I went wrong.

In reality, though, my son’s current state of mind has absolutely nothing to do with my parenting skills or lack thereof. He is now becoming much more independent, so he doesn’t like when he is told what to do anymore. Oh, when he chooses to clean he is still an eager beaver, but as soon as I mention that I want him to do that same chore, his stubbornness knocks all sense out of him. He whines, complains, drags his feet, and finds every way possible to take longer or not do nearly as good of a job. Seeing how much effort he puts into not giving his best effort is simultaneously infuriating and saddening. I know I have my work cut out for me until this phase comes to an end.

Maybe someday my little helper will return—and if he does, I promise to never take him for granted again! Maybe he is gone forever. Either way, I must find a means to show my son again why hard work and wholehearted effort is important in life. Slackers and procrastinators get nowhere in this life, and I want the best for my son. I want to see him flourish and succeed, not doom himself to mediocrity and the bare minimum.

Has your child ever gone through a similar stage? Did your little helper ever return? Did you find a way to show your child that working hard and helping out is a crucial part of life? I’d love to hear about your experience!

Mother's Day Reflections

It is amazing how much we can change, while still being the same person. A long, long time ago–ok, more like 10 years ago–I was convinced that motherhood was not for me. I strongly believed that there was no way I’d ever become a mother. My childhood had been nowhere near normal. I didn’t have a very close relationship with my parents. So, I was convinced that I would be the world’s worst mother. I have always love children, but what did I know about properly raising kids? Ultimately, I couldn’t justify putting any child through that uncertainty.


Now those days seem like just a distant memory–almost like it was a lifetime ago. This Sunday will be my 8th Mother’s Day, and I’ll be eating up my two children’s attention and affection. They are now old enough to understand what Mother’s Day is, and they get thoroughly excited every time it comes around again. I’ve been getting showered with extra drawings, hugs, kisses, and I-love-you’s all week. It’s great to be a mom!

I know I’ll never be a perfect mother. I make mistakes and always will. But judging from my kids’ infectious laughter, frequent smiles, and affection even towards each other (at least most of the time), I must be doing something right. According to my 5-year-old daughter, I am “the bestest Mommy ever” and she is so thankful that I take such good care of her and her brother. Who knew I had it in me?

I can’t imagine my life without my children. They are such an enormous part of who I am today that I can’t fathom being me without them. I look back and realize that I was a frightened, scarred, and insecure girl 10 years ago. I had the sense to know that motherhood isn’t easy and shouldn’t be approached lightly. However, I failed to see all that I learned from my childhood and less-than-perfect relationship with my parents. All that happened in the past helped prepare me for the mother I am today because I was so determined not to repeat my own parents’ mistakes. I’m so relieved that I finally gave motherhood a chance, for it has changed my life forever!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my readers out there! If you are a mother, grandmother, or other special lady, I hope you have a relaxing day full of love and laughter. And for everyone else, don’t forget to spoil the women in your lives. You know your life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Mommy Doesn't Work...8 Hours Every Night

It’s funny how kids can so easily misunderstand things. Sometimes, it is pretty funny the way little minds try to understand the world around them. Other times, it’s hard not to feel a little sad about their misconceptions. Recently, my son and I got into a tiny argument about his homework. He didn’t want to practice reading. In fact, he was determined to not do school ever again! I tried to explain to him why reading was so important—an explanation that included that reading was necessary for getting a job.

As soon as those words were out of my mouth, my son glared at me and said, “I don’t plan on ever getting a job. You don’t work, so why should I?!”

I know kids will be kids, and temper tantrums are a part of the parenting journey. Still, his words really stung. I may not work outside my home but raising and cyber-schooling two children is hard work. Besides, I spend an average of 6-8 hours each day working diligently at my writing, long after my family is fast asleep. It may not make me much money now, but I’m working towards something bigger and better that will help make my family more financially stable. I know he is too young to understand that I work my buns off for him and his sister. Yet, it still hurts that it goes unrecognized sometimes.

I hope as he grows older that he will see that everything I do is for the betterment of our family. I frequently skimp on sleep, occasionally pass up on fun activities, and forever plan and refocus myself, so I can offer more for my children. No, I don’t write solely for my children’s benefit. However, a lot of the driving force behind my writing is related to my son and daughter. They give me the added push I need to make myself sit down and work, even when I don’t feel like writing. They also are one of my biggest inspirations for my ideas and creativity. They bring out the best in me and make me always strive to be better than I am now. I honestly believe I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without my children, and I thank God every day that I have them in my life!

A to Z April Blogging Challenge Reflections

As a mother, I always want to encourage my children to dream big and never give up on their deepest desires. Yet, I find myself so frequently using lame excuses why I can’t write. I’m too busy. I’m too tired. I have a million other things to do. I’m not feeling up to it right now. I need to watch just one more TV show. My day was just too hectic. The words just aren’t flowing right. The excuses go on and on and on forever if I let them.

The truth is, though, I am meant to write. Even when I convince myself I’m not in the mood to write, the desire is always there. I frequently wake up in the middle of the night because my dreams give me awesome ideas to write about. Whole strings of poetry come flooding into my mind at the strangest times. Some ideas won’t leave my head until I finally write them down. And I don’t feel like myself unless I write on a regular basis.

I AM a writer. There is no point in trying to put my writing on the back burner. It is always going to force its way back into my mind. Besides, the more I write the happier I become. Why have I fought this integral part of my being for so many years? It’s time to embrace my writing abilities and to see where they will take me! 

The A to Z April Blogging Challenge, for the last two years, has helped me see just how important writing is in my life. Although I’ve spent plenty of late nights scrambling to keep up with this challenge (especially this year since I entered three blogs), I got a sweet taste of what I am capable of and how much I can accomplish under pressure.

Not long after the 2013 A to Z Challenge began, I started to doubt my sanity. I had barely finished one blog last year. How was I going to blog through the alphabet with three blogs? I had to be a crazy to think I could write 78 posts in a month in addition to all of my other obligations!

I’m never one to give up easily, so I pushed through the challenge with all three blogs—just barely—but I made it! I was exhausted and pretty frazzled, but I felt so proud of myself and even a little surprised that I had it in me. The 2013 A to Z Challenge has revealed that there is a lot more potential inside of me than I’d ever given myself credit. And I am determined now to reach far with my writing—just like I encourage my two children.

I may have taken a small break this week to recover from the challenge madness, but I am determined more than ever to write daily. No more lame excuses. No more convincing myself that I can always write later. No more thinking that I don’t have the ability in me. It’s time to dream bigger and work even harder to be the writer I’ve always secretly wanted to be!

Y: Yoga Youngsters

One of my 2013 New Year’s resolutions was to get more fit and healthy. I’m not having the best of luck though. With an overloaded schedule and a chronic illness that involves fatigue and pain, I have found it difficult to find the time, energy, and motivation for exercise. But with summer fast approaching, I plan to utilize my kids’ summer vacation to the max.

I have noticed that I am much better at sticking with and pushing through exercise that involves my kids. My son and daughter sometimes do yoga with me, and they absolutely love our walks and playtimes outside. When I exercise with them I am too busy laughing and having a good time to focus on how much it tires me or how long it is taking. In fact, sometimes I am amazed at how much time seems to fly when I am exercising with them.

As a result, I plan on building some healthy habits with my children this summer—healthy habits that I hope will continue even after summer is long over. First and foremost, I want to reclaim my body and be as fit as possible. I want to live a long and healthy life for myself and my family. Secondly, I want to give my kids a good example to follow, so they can grow up to be healthy and happy adults, too. And lastly, exercising together is a wonderful family activity. It will help to keep us connected and hopefully will help create a bond between us that will last a lifetime.

Do you exercise as a family? If so, what are your favorite activities? And how often do you get to exercise together?