The Cat's Out of the Bag

As parents, we try our best to raise our children right and give them a good example to follow. However, the human fallibility factor loves to pop up every now and then—sometimes in the funniest ways. I know I’m not immune to such moments, but I swear I get more than my fair share sometimes! A perfect example occurred this month at my house.

I don’t know about your children, but my children dislike socks. If their shoes aren’t on, their little piggies are bare and racing around the house. I can’t even remember the number of times we have come home from a friend or relative’s home minus a sock or two because my kids had stripped their feet as soon as we were in the door, without looking to see where their socks had landed.

In the winter time, it’s a constant battle trying to convince them that they would be warmer if only their socks stayed on their feet. And the majority of the time, I lose these battles and am left with barely worn socks strewn about our house…much to my exasperation.

For years, I have worked with my kids to try to get them to clean up after themselves. And happily, we are making leaps and bounds every day. But for some reason, those darn socks keep ending up all over--behind furniture, under cushions, stuffed in corners, and lurking in the unlikeliest places. With semi-dirty socks scattered throughout our home, it’s not our washer or dryer’s fault usually when a mate goes missing.

Since we moved into our own home near the end of last year, I decided that this was one bad habit we were going to break! At first, my children grumbled and moaned every time I reminded them that dirty socks belong only in the hamper. In time, though, it was becoming more and more like second nature to them, and more socks were ending up in the dirty laundry without a single word from me. Victory!

Then, this month, I noticed something strange: I was finding tons of my children’s socks all over the house, from the kitchen to the bathroom to their bedrooms! Suffice it to say, I was not amused at all. Day after day, I went around the house picking up socks, and time and time again, I sat down with my kids and explained why I wasn’t happy. My displeasure grew more and more as my kids continued to deny that they weren’t the ones who left their socks lying around.

Finally about a week or so ago, I was about to snap! How could my kids deny that they had left their socks around the house? Who else would be leaving them all about? I strongly believed that someone had to be lying because there simply wasn’t any other explanation. I was going to get to the bottom of this!

Just as I was about to confront my kids yet again about their dirty socks, I heard a strange noise in the bathroom. Curious, I started down the hall. As I neared the bathroom doorway to investigate, a black furry blur bolted between my feet, dragging one of my dirty socks behind him! It was our kitten Mr. Fuzzy. He had stolen one of my dirty socks out of the hamper and was taking off with it like it was some prized catch. I was beside myself with utter shock.

Immediately, my son poked his head out of his bedroom, looked up at me with his big blue eyes, and sighed, “See, Mommy; I told you we weren’t the ones putting socks everywhere!”

The Hurtful I-Hate-You's

My Daughter's Self-Portrait

Everyone seems to warn you about the terrible twos, the endless why’s, and the troubled teens.  But nothing I have ever read, discussed, or imagined prepared me for what I have come to call the hurtful I-hate-you’s!

My 5-and-a-half-year-old daughter has always been my sweet little princess.  She stole my heart the moment she looked up at me with those big brown eyes as I was holding her minutes after she entered this world.  She was my cuddle bunny, snuggling up with me every opportunity she could get and wrapping me in the softest hugs I have ever known.

Her smiles and giggles have brought so much life and happiness over the years.  And her silly sense of humor has filled even the worst days with laughter.  That’s why I was totally unprepared for the change that has taken over my lovable little girl.  Just about a month or so ago, in a fit of anger, her tiny little voice rocked my world with her first “I hate you, Mommy!”

Even though some time has passed, I still remember it like it was yesterday, the sting of her words keeping the shocking incident fresh in my mind.  One typical weekday morning, not long after the end of my children’s winter break, I was hard at work preparing for my kids’ cyberschooling.  My children were eating breakfast and watching cartoons in the living room.

When time came to begin the school day I told them to turn off the TV and go change out of their pajamas.  My son, without a fuss, turned off the television and went straight to his room to get dressed.  My daughter, on the other hand, starting pouting and complaining because I was interrupting the episode of Dora the Explorer she was so intently watching.  Despite my reassurances that it was a Dora rerun and readily available on Netflix for them to finish after school, she exploded.  She began yelling at me that it wasn’t fair and that she hated school—that it kept her from doing the things that she wants to do.

Taking the typical mother’s position, I sat her down and explained that school was necessary and that sometimes we all have to do things that we hate.  I suggested that she find some way to tolerate and get through it each day, so she could have more time to do fun things.  Well, that just infuriated her more.  I tried to reason with her again, to no avail.  And finally, she glared at me with her little mouth twisted into a sneer and screamed at me, “I hate you, Mommy!”

In utter shock and hurt, I sent her to her bedroom for a timeout—for both of us.  I went to my own bedroom and cried.  How could my sweet little girl hate me so?  Just a few short days before, we had been best friends.  We had a girls’ night in, taking turns styling each others’ hair and painting our nails together.  How could things change so drastically in less than a week?
Over the next few weeks, her fits grew worse and worse and the I-hate-you’s were used more and more.  I was at my wits end and so emotional that I didn’t know what to do!

In the end, it took a lot of soul searching and thinking before I finally got up the nerve to sit down with her this past weekend and talk to her about it.  After another I-hate-you incident, when all was calm and normal again, I called my little princess to sit next to me and we had a little heart-to-heart conversation.  I asked her how she felt when someone says mean things to her.  I allowed her to gone on and describe what she thinks and feels when such a thing happens.  And then I revealed to her what her heated words do to me.
She immediately frowned and told me that she doesn’t like when other people cry because it makes her sad and then she starts crying.

After that I asked her directly why she tells me she hates me during these situations.  Her tiny face scrunched up for a moment, as she mulled it over in her head.  Finally, she looked at me and said, “Mommy, I hate school.  It isn’t any fun.  And I think it is mean for you to make me do it.  I don’t get to play enough, so I hate when you tell me I can’t play.”

Confused, I asked her, “Does that mean that you don’t really hate me?”

Immediately, she replied, “I love you, Mommy.  I just get mad at you.”

You would not believe the relief I felt.  My daughter didn’t really hate me!  Since our little talk, the I-hate-you’s have stopped…for now.  I know that with the tumultuous moods my princess gets into these days chances are these hurtful words are bound to surface again.  But if they ever do, I’m prepared.  I now realize that this is only a stage she is going through—not the product of some poor parenting on my part.  And I now know in my heart that she still loves me, no matter how much she rants and raves to the contrary.

For those of you with young children who might be going through a similar phase, don’t take your little ones’ words at face value.  Young children often don’t have the ability to properly express and deal with their emotions.  And this is just a product of that immaturity.  Just do what you can to weather the storm and hold the beautiful memories and happy moments close to heart.  It will pass soon enough!

A Fifth 2013 Parenting Resolution

Cartoon Zombie

Just a few short weeks ago, I shared with you all my parenting goals for 2013.  Little did I know that something would suddenly pop and change my focus for this year.  The too much TV monster hit my home with a vengeance and caused me to have to respond swiftly and drastically.  You can read more about my 5th parenting resolution on Yahoo! Voices:  http://voices.yahoo.com/my-top-2013-parenting-resolution-kicking-tv-habit-11996978.html?cat=25

My Top 4 Parenting Resolutions for 2013

The last 2 years have been challenging for me and my family. Death, illness, and a difficult move, added to the normal strains and hurdles of everyday life, left us often worrying what other negative things could happen in the future. Now that 2013 has begun and life is starting to settle down, I am extremely eager to brush away the troubles of yesterday and start fresh in the new year.

For me, that new start begins with some reflection and resolutions for 2013. As a parent, I strive every day to grow and to try to be the best parent I can possibly be. Consequently, it is only logical for me to include parenting goals every year in my New Year’s resolutions. This year I want to focus on the following areas:

2013 Parenting Resolution #1: Have More Fun

First and foremost, I want to make sure I have more fun with my kids. Since I cyber school both of my kids and I am a stay-at-home mom, I spend lots of time with my children every day. However, in the last year or so, I’ve noticed that I don’t play with them nearly as much as I used to. Maybe it’s the added work of cyber schooling two this year. Or perhaps I have allowed the stress of the last couple years get the best of me. Or maybe having a chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia) has complicated things more than I anticipated. Either way, I vow to get up and move with my kids, laugh like there’s no tomorrow, and act silly until our sides hurt. I know my physical and mental health will thank me, and it will help make my family’s bond even stronger!

2013 Parenting Resolution #2: Get More Organized

Related to my first resolution, I hope to get more organized in 2013. Being more organized means more time to have fun with my son and daughter and a lot less stress for the whole family. No more spending hours rooting for lost items. No more wasting time arguing over who’s turn it is to do this or that. Without making life too rigid, I want to streamline daily tasks and ensure that everyone is completing everything they are supposed to be doing. The months before our move, I spent hours sorting through and condensing the things in our house. Now I want to make sure that everything left will have a designated place. And I want to do everything possible to make certain that we can use our time efficiently, leaving more time for fun family activities.

2013 Parenting Resolution #3: Don’t Take Myself So Seriously

It may seem counterproductive, but in 2013, I also want to quit taking myself so seriously. Perfection is impossible. We all make mistakes. There are only so many hours in a day, so we can’t accomplish everything we would like. We have bad days and little bumps in the road happen. My inner perfectionist is constantly there yapping and making me worry. However, stressing too much over the little things is bad for the health. It makes us feel angry with ourselves and grumpy--perhaps even pessimistic and a little depressed. It keeps up late worrying and overanalyzing, creating a pattern that can reduce our rest and make us more susceptible to colds and other illnesses. So, when my inner critic decides to rear her ugly head in 2013, I’m going to send her packing. Life is much too short and precious to be constantly worry over the could-have-beens, should-have-beens, and little mistakes!

2013 Parenting Resolution #4: Prioritize Me Time

Last but not least, I need to make me time a priority. This one I have failed miserably at since I first became a parent 7 years ago. I’ve read a hundred articles and have been told by many people that taking care of ourselves makes us better parents. A little me time every day can help us stay healthy, reduce our stress, and make us happier. Still, there’s a little voice inside of me that screams “Your kids should come first!” each and every time I try to make a little time for myself. What is it about prioritizing ourselves a little that makes us feel so horrible and as though we were committing some heinous, despicable crime against our children?

Whatever it is I am vowing here and now to ignore that accusing, guilt-inducing voice from now on! Yes, I am a mother, and it is my duty and honor to care for my family. Yes, I shouldn’t be selfish and put my happiness above everyone else’s. Nevertheless, there is a time and place for being a parent and then another for being a woman. If I give myself a little time daily to relax and unwind, I’ll sleep better and come back recharged and better prepared to be the mother my children need.

Now that I have shared some of my New Year’s resolutions, what are some of the things you hope to accomplish in 2013?